Torn From My Heart
by Spirit of the Dragon907
Summary: Becker and Sarah have been searching for Abby, Connor and Danny for three months. When Sarah is killed, we get to see how Becker reacts, to Sarah's death and his lost friends. Is there more emotion to this stoic soldier than meets the eye? Pre-season 4.


Torn From My Heart

Hey guys! Well this is my first Primeval fanfiction! I love Primeval and Becker is definitely my favourite character – I am so glad he was given a personality in season 4! So he's not all brooding and action man anymore. If any of you have seen the webisodes for season 4 then you'll remember the interview with Becker. That's where I got my inspiration from, the pure pain and guilt in Becker's eyes touched me so much that I had to write this. Please review! I would love to hear what you guys think and if I should keep writing Primeval Fanfiction!

'Clear the table!' Becker yelled as he carried an unconscious and badly wounded Sarah into the ARC, 'Quick! She losing too much blood!'

Becker stormed through the ARC, not caring who he ran over, all he could see was the table in the centre of the main control room, papers scattered carelessly on the ground by frightened workers who hastily cleared the table at his order. The trip to that table felt like a lifetime, he felt as if he were running through sand, getting slower and slower, weaker with every step. It was probably a result of the nasty gash he got along his back from the Future Predator that had attacked him and Sarah as they searched for Danny, Connor and Abby in the godforsaken place that was the future.

_Dammit no, I'm not going to lose another friend. Not again. _

His own injuries forgotten he ran to the table while trying to keep Sarah as close to him and as unmoving as possible. Two medics appeared and motioned for him to hand Sarah over to them. He didn't want to.

_It was my job, I was supposed to look after them, I have to look after her..._

Still holding onto her, he looked down into the tanned, damp face that he had grown to love as a friend, no, a sister. He had grown to love both Sarah and Abby as little sisters and no way was he letting any of them down. Now as he looked at her, her usually silky, vibrant dark hair lay limp and stuck to her forehead, her usually tan face was looking pale and sickly grey. The terrible cut on her left temple matted her hair down even more, covering the side of her beautiful face with a crusty, dark red mask of blood and pain.

It wasn't the worse though, all along her stomach and chest, deep lacerations and merciless gashes scorned her where the Predator had ravaged her in front of his own eyes.

_I should have been quicker, I should have recovered quicker._

Reluctantly, he handed her over to the stoic medic and took a few steps back, Sarah's blood seeping into his shirt and skin. Dazed, he watched as a team of medics crowded around her but he could do nothing, all he could do was watch helplessly as his friend lay in front of him, clinging feebly to life. Pain flooded him as he saw the medics cut through the remnants of her torn shirt to insect the wound more. It was worse than he had thought. Fresh blood oozed out relentlessly and quickly obscured the lashes from view.

Turning his attention to her face, he saw her rapid breaths become weaker and weaker as she gained consciousness and the pure velocity of the pain took her. Slightly turning her head to the side she caught his eye, her eyes pleading to help her, to stop the pain he had swore she would never feel, 'Becker,' she exclaimed painfully, 'help me...'

Frozen, he could only look on desperately as her eyes closed and her breathing slowed down to a stop. Grabbing for a desk to support himself, he took in a short painful breath as he watched the life leave her exotic brown eyes. He knew, even before the medics, there was no saving her now. She was gone. Not two seconds later did the medics catch on but she was long gone by that point and the dull numbness of despair and heartbreak took him. He knew it would get worse, the pain and sorrow would grow as he accepted it but right now all he could do was look at Sarah's still face and he choked on a sigh. Turning away he walked dazed to the one place he knew he wouldn't be disturbed at this moment, the armoury.

Throwing open the heavy metal door to the armoury, he slid in, locking the massive doors behind him. Walking through the endless rows of weapons, not really taking any notice of the things that he had once loved so much. None of that mattered anymore, nothing did. He was alone, so alone.

Taking a right turn he headed for the door that lead to the gyms showers. Walking aimlessly until he came to a shower he stopped abruptly and looked around the gleaming white sterile shower room. All he could think about was how the gleaming white reminded him of Sarah's smile, or the sparkle in Abby's eyes when she told him about the creatures, or Connors slick computers and devices, Danny's favourite gun... he had lost them all, his one objective, to protect the team and he had failed.

Peeling off his torn shirt, wincing in pain as the wound was reopened, he threw the shirt to the side followed by his combat trousers and boots. Turning on the shower he stood in the flow of water, his head bent as the cold water ran down his back, stinging his injury but easing the pain slightly as it went along.

_What am I going to do? I'm alone, there's no one, no one left but me and I don't even deserve to be here. It was my job to protect the team at all costs, it should have been me, I should have gone with Danny and the others. Stupid, stupid Becker! That's what you get when you let the heart rule the head, people get hurt, and people die. No more._

Becker didn't know how long he stood there, unmoving, lost in thought. He didn't care, nothing mattered anymore, the last lifeline he had to this place was gone, torn from his heart, just like Abby and Connor and Danny. Over the months he had come to love the team, it wasn't just another mission or team that needed a bodyguard, they were his friends and now he had lost them all, each one as painful as the next, like a vicious stab to his already fragile heart.

He would never forget Danny's insufferable back-chat and jokes, that actually made Becker smile every now and then. Nor would he forget their 'security testing' which was just a fancy name to see who could break into the building faster game between the two of them. Danny might have been a new addition but his bravery and loyalty had caught Becker's respect and his loyalty to the end, which came all too soon.

Abby, never had he seen someone so in touch with animals, no one who understood them quite like she did. She could have conversations with them and it was as if the creatures were almost answering. No way was Becker an animal person, but watching her with them, caring for them and seeing the happiness it could bring to a person, made him want to. He wanted to see things like Abby did, look at everything as if it had a soul, a mind of its own. But of course being raised in a strictly military family, animals were not part of the agreement, from a young age, Becker's father had turned him on animals and towards wars, guns and soldiers. Not that he didn't like being a soldier, he loved it but he couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if he could have chosen a different path or a less limited one anyway.

He could remember Sarah working diligently with Cutter on the anomaly prediction project, how hell-bent she was to find the source of every myth in history, placing it to an exact time and location. More times than nought he had seen her at midnight, bent over a pile of books, writing vigorously, muttering to herself about facts and figures that Becker couldn't begin to understand. Sarah thought that was where she belonged, in the background because she wasn't as brave as Abby or Danny but Becker thought otherwise, he thought she was as brave as any, all through the last three months Sarah had gone on every mission with him to look for the others, fighting bravely and selflessly for the sake of others. No way was anyone going to think she was a coward from now on. She never was.

And Connor. Connor was something else, he was his best friend. When he started working at the ARC, he had first thought that Connor was some nosy student lurking in the corner for a quick scoop. When he found out that he was one of the original team Becker was shocked to say the least. But then again none of the team was what he expected. But Connor soon became his best friend, they were often put together to hunt down creatures or track anomalies and he never failed to amuse Becker with smart comments or terrible jokes. The ARC would be a lonely place without Connor breaking something and Lester blowing his top off in frustration at him. Of course, it was easy to see that Lester missed Connor; he always wanted updates and information every five minutes on it.

_How can I return? How could I go back, when there are so many memories there? I couldn't face it. I'm a coward but I don't think my heart could take it._

Closing his eyes, unshed tears began to roll down his cheeks, mixing with the shower water. How he wished that his pain would wash away with the water, never to be seen again but he knew, he had always known, the pain would never go away, he would be haunted by everything that had happened, and now a new face could be added, Sarah's lifeless body lying limp on the table. The tears continued to fall but he didn't try to stop them. He knew if this was any other day, he wouldn't let himself, he would fight and tell himself to get over it but the truth was, he would never get over it, it would say with him to the end of his days.

_I'll never escape... but I can't stay here, not anymore. _

Making up his mind, he turned off the tap and turned to find his trousers. Pulling them on he stopped the tears, he was so used to it by now that it was almost second nature. Leaving his shirt off he headed back towards the armoury with a stoic look on his face, once again the emotionless and unmoving Captain Becker. Turning to Lester's office he entered a lonely and empty room that was Lester's office. Obviously Lester's was down with Sarah. The pain that hit him confirmed his choice and pushed him forward. Taking a sheet out of Lester's desk Becker started to fill out the one thing he never thought he'd ever do with a job like this... he started to fill out his resignation form...

_I can't handle another heartbreak... I won't _he thought as he left the form on Lester's desk and left the office to the pain and torment that would follow him always...

Well there you go! I really hope you liked this fanfic and I would love to hear from you all! Honestly I didn't know what people would think of this so please review and tell me what you thought! I actually wrote this during a free double period when I should have been studying but I wrote this instead :P So therefore there was no real planning so forgive me if it isn't perfect!


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